Notes
bartender バーテンダー;
startle 驚かす;
yell 叫ぶ;

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One day, a turtle walks into a bar, slowly climbs up to the counter, and says, “Can I have a glass of water?”
The bartender is startled and kicks the turtle out.
Two weeks later, the turtle comes back, climbs up to the bar, and yells, “What did you do that for?!”
日本語:
ある日、カメがバーに入ってきて、ゆっくりカウンターに登って「お水を一杯ください」と言いました。
バーテンダーはびっくりして、カメを外に蹴り出しました。
2週間後、カメがまたバーに来て、怒った顔でこう言いました：「さっきのは何だったんだよ！」
(この話の笑い所、わかった？それはカメが遅すぎて、なぜか尋ねても二週間後になるから。)
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Notes
excited – わくわくした、興奮した;
drilling –（穴を）掘る、ドリルで開けること;
boomed – 低く大きな声で響く;
startled – 驚いた、びっくりした;
terrified – 恐怖を感じた、怖がった;
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John was excited to try ice fishing for the first time. He took his equipment, found a frozen lake, and started drilling a hole in the ice. Suddenly, a deep voice boomed from above:

“There are no fish under the ice!”

John looked around, startled. He moved to another spot and started drilling again.

“There are no fish under the ice!” the voice repeated.

Terrified, John looked up and asked, “Is that you, God?”

The voice sighed, “No, this is the ice rink manager.”
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